Advice from a Petless Person

By Thursday, July 30, 2015

Who wants to read about what I’ve been up to? Noone. There is no dog. There isn’t one coming either. I have to differentiate myself. Bigger house, better boobs, botox and no dog. Pets do weird things to people. I’m watching it happen right before my very eyes. The Wismers are turning into a bunch of canine know-it-alls. Wizz is back from his trip and right up everyone’s ass.

I looked at Hank yesterday and they all chimed in, “just leave him, Leigh.” Shit, stand down. I guess I can cross dog-sitting off the list; there is no way they will leave their precious pup with me. Meg was invited up to a cottage this weekend and isn’t going; it is deeply concerning how much she has changed.  A puppy is transforming her in ways her kids never did. I am waiting for her to tell me that she isn’t drinking because she has to get up with Hank.

I was snooping through her computer history, she is spending most of her time on doggy websites. She’s also managed to turn our instagram feed into a dog lovers page. It’s only a matter of time before she switches out pictures of us for pictures of Hank Marvin.

I care about him, I do, I had to go pick him up with Meg. The breeder told her two people had to be present. I sat around a table for 2.5 hours listening to all the new owners discuss their next “puppy date” and what his pedigree is. He’s clear of all genetic disorders, his father Mount Magic’s Quest For Fire (Colton) is over in Holland for the summer kicking everyone’s ass.  I asked the breeder if Meg can breed Winterfell Hank Marvin (his official name). Meg kicked me under the table, the breeder looked right through me and said “if that’s what you want to do you won’t be getting a dog from me.”  I almost got us kicked out.

I felt I redeemed myself when I brought up heartworm and whether or not she recommends preventative treatment. Everyone at the table starting nodding and taking notes. Breeder 1. Leigh 1.

Here is this morning’s text from Meg:

bernese mountain dog puppy

This is what I am dealing with. I’m frightened she might start cooking for him and calling him her “fourth”. It’s my job to keep her on the path.

Wish me luck.




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